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BERKELEY 8 MISSION STEET 5: DEALERS HANG TOUGH WITH FIRST PLACE NEWS, FALTER DUE TO UNDIAGNOSED DIABETES

"I've known Gordon Popadiuk for a while now and the two

most important things about him: can't grow a beard

and cried during the Seinfeld finale."-David Blanco

RECAP: Sorry for the long absence, gentle readers. Consider this post your Chinese Democracy.

I woke up in a happy mood just a half hour before first pitch, knowing that I had only a five-minute commute from my house to Willard Park to deal with, in addition to the fact that I rarely bother to shower or brush my teeth. I live in Berkeley. Deep in News territory. I'm constantly running into Benny Rangell. One time he was coming out of a hardware store ominously holding a broom. Another time he was ominously driving a Volvo. I've drank Bud Light Strawberritas at Jeri's house.  I think I fucked David Blanco in the toilets at the White Horse once. Point is, I know these people. By some prior arrangement it was a turn-back-the-clock theme day, with the News wearing their old Hard Bargains shirts (well, like four of them were) and the Dealers wearing our old Egypt '84 jerseys, in a deliciously sarcastic homage to long-alienated founders Mike Harkin and Adam Stonehouse. Staff ace Jimmy McConnell took the bump against staff member Brian Huey, and after we nearly scored in the top of the first, I stupidly called for a fastball to the giant-haired robot called Delancey, who flipped it over the 120-foot fence in right for a two-run home run. That made it 2-0 Hard News. We clawed back to tie it at two, thanks to some clutch hitting by enormous sex bear Andrew Gomez, while Jimmy struck out many fools. The game zipped along into the seventh when, with the News up 4-2, we rallied to tie, the key hit being an enormous RBI double by aforementioned sex bear, followed by an RBI infield hit from Mark Moss that elicited some operatic whining from the News when Moss was called safe at first. In the bottom of the 7th, Brian Huey took appalling revenge on us with a two-run opposite-field gapper to right-center. (Side rant: who goes to third base for the final out of an inning on a comebacker to the mound? What is that?) In the top of the 8th, the handsome and Europeanly-named sock iconoclast Rafael Rangell came in for the six-out save, promptly loading the bases for the handsome and hillbilly-named Mexican Jesse Edwards to hit into an RBI double play. With the tying run at third, Mickey Thoms came up and smoked a pitch to center field, right at some guy, probably Delancey, who was completely and creepily ubiquitous that day when it came to defense. The bottom of the eighth saw some ugly defense, as Jimmy recorded about nine would-be outs but the News tacked on two runs, and we went into the ninth rather demoralized, despite John's soothing screams. Spoon worked a brilliant walk, I fouled out to fucking Delancey at first base despite the fact that my ball apparently hit the backstop which neither I or the umpire noticed, Gomez smashed a hard grounder to fucking Delancey for the second out, and then Moss lost a tough battle with Rangell to strike out and end the game. The News stoically packed up their gear and went home, while I fought off a panic attack and surreptitiously collected everyone's empty Tecates. For the money.

FORD RIGHT CHOICE: The 6-4-3 double play we turned on the News that they whined about

DAN UGGLA DRIVE OF THE GAME: Gomez's double to the deep, geometrically frustrating part of center field at Willard. We all thought he was going to be flipping dingers over the chain-link monster in left, but I guess that's Crizzle's deal. Yeah, that's right Andrew. It's called stirring the pot.

BRANDON HICKS PLAYER(S) OF THE GAME: Gotta split this one between Gomez, for bringing the lumber (and his solid, mistake-free first-basing) and Jimmy McConnell, for his second consecutive superb start against a good team. Dude is donating his arm and probably his mental health for these agonizing losses, so let's get him a win one of these days.

DOG OF THE GAME: Roux, babe magnet

MARK MOSS OF THE GAME: Mark Moss

GORDON POPADIUK OF THE GAME: 'Thanks for being so honest about not tagging Mickey. I bet your hair smells nice

QUOTE OF THE GAME:

"You wanna quit lookin' at me, fruity? I don't

play butt darts. I love the ladies."

WE'RE STILL FIGURING OUT STATS BUT

FUCK IT YOU KNOW YOURS AREN'T

THAT GREAT