Sorry folks, I don't know what happened there.
Anyway, this'll be a quick one because I'm tired of the monotonous self-flagellation that customarily follows a Dealer loss and it happened like a week ago, anyway. Sorry for the delay - I had a full weekend of umpiring, which made me want to self-harm, and today I was in mourning for H.R. Giger, who was going to design uniforms for my expansion team next year, the Berkeley Penis Skeletons. The first half of the game was rather cool - 3-3 into the fifth, Jimmy matching talents with Dave Gardner, who flummoxed us with his ancient Chinese martial arts style known as "Clever Sloth." We countered with the modern South Korean taekwondo spinoff "Flailing Monkey" and it made for a fast-paced game until, with two outs and the bases loaded in the bottom of the fifth, the Nobles' new beard guy (of whom Craig Matoes is fanatically jealous- I heard he plans to patronize Shane Crosby's fledgling murder-for-hire business) laid down a BUNT. It worked for them, and proved to be a bit of a turning point - "opened the floodgates," to coin a new aquatic engineering metaphor - our only major chance after that was a bases loaded situation when I hit what admittedly looked like a double play ball to short and Crizzle sort of plowed right into the shortstop, eliciting much laughter and many sighs of affection from the 4,000 single girls in the stands. The Nobles ended up winning 13-4 when the lights went out right as Craig Matoes released a pitch, which is an event I've been anticipating with unseemly voyeuristic arousal. Unfortunately, no one was hurt.
PLAYER OF THE GAME: Can we agree that, even though the Nobles managed to get him out, Mr. Eric "Spoon" Short has been a goddamn assassin at the plate lately? He waits on those breaking balls so patiently and serenely that one of these days I expect him to break the cycle of Samsara and leave this vale of tears as a beam of pure energy (same thing happened to Spencer back in '12. I miss him.)
DRIVE OF THE GAME: Crizzle had a double. That was p. sweet.
PLAY OF THE GAME: Mickey-Hamilton-Rosen double play hell yeah! I thought Thoms was gonna take it himself but I didn't reckon on Toesy's wicked fast transfer and rocket arm. Let's see more of that.
Also, Crizzle dove for and caught a shallow fly ball that was also p. sweet
STRAY OBSERVATIONS: Big thanks to Chris Thoms for coming out, hope you can make it to more games, you got big shoulders and you're nice...Anyone think Bill "Curious Yellow" Sandberg is having lots of ill sex in his tour of liberal-minded Scandinavia...Do the Nobles actually have a guy called "Reich" now because comparing people to Nazis is my passion in life...Defining romantic/disgusting image of 2014 is the constellation of glowing iPads and phones in the Nobles' dugout after the lights went out...Big thank you to Andrew Gomez for coaching third PAY ATTENTION TO HIM YOU UNGRATEFUL SHITS HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING...I get super sad when Lil C Murder doesn't get playing time but I realize he's probably busy jockin hoodrats on worldstarhiphop...Dave Gardner is a hobbit...Charlie Ansanelli cut the sleeves off his jersey verdict: baller
MARK MOSS OF THE GAME: Jesse Edwards
I'VE BEEN SLACKING ON IMAGES SO HERE'S ONE:
"rah rah politics i'd like to ask mr. mayor what he
plans to do about this overcast weather blarg i am a butt"
NEXT GAME SUNDAY @ CLEANERS PROBABLY
AT BIG REC IF I KNOW THEM
STATS TOMORROW
I WISH I COULD EAT YOUR CANCER
WHEN YOU TURN BLACK
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