Comfortably Numb: Oakland Beers 16, Mission Street Dealers 11

RECAP: We've done nothing but lose since this blog was started, but all great literature comes from a place of pain and suffering, as Lenny Dykstra once said. The handsome and lanky Julian Elorduy took the bump despite never having pitched in the PCHL before, and he did damn well, all things considered. I think he's gonna blossom into a scary Steve Carltonesque lefty motherfucker now that he's gotten his debut out of the way. So it was back and forth all day: the jocular Oaklanders would jump in the lead with some flukey two-strike hits, then we would catch up with a smash or two from the likes of Moss or Crizzle or Gomez, then they would crawl back ahead with some of their stupidass bullshit, then we would have a beer, then Spoon would fire us up with Vietnam War stories, then John Segura would do a seductive dance, and we would sorta get back in it, but eventually we just lost. S'okay. Shit happens. We're still only a game out of the playoffs. Let's not become a Lifetime original movie just yet.



PLAYER OF THE GAME: It was this fucking talented freak called Crizzle Puff, or Chris (I'm not even privy as to why he's called Crizzle Puff, so I'm just gonna call him Jennifer) who had six RBIs and came within one hit of the cycle.

Jennifer

 

He's really good. Also, scariest jock-on-nerd prank of the game: Jennifer pretending to swing at my head as I walked by him in the on-deck circle. I POOPED

 

Honorable mention: Gomez

 

RYAN DUNN DRIVE OF THE GAME: The Bash Brothers. Canseco and McGwire. Gomez and Crizzle. The parallels are mindblowing. One's Cuban, one's a redhead. One of them is a rageaholic with a drug problem, the other one is a rageaholic with a drug problem. One of them fucked Madonna, and the other one rides a motorcycle.

I had a a weird internal debate about which home run to award Drive of the Game to. Jennifer's was a beautifully timed, heroic three-run bomb to tie the game at 10 in the later innings, but Gomez's two-run shot came first and I feel like it was hit slightly harder to a deeper part of the field. I also feel like Gomez is gonna twist my head off and eat it like an apple if I don't give him at least equal credit, so I'm calling them the Co-Drives of the Game.

 

DEFENSIVE PLAY OF THE GAME:  Sometimes there aren't a lot of close or interesting plays in the field, and often I try to relate everything to myself, because I have what's known in baseball circles as "Narcissistic Personality Disorder." So the defensive play of the game was definitely Mark Moss (this is the unimportant part) taking a relay from LF and firing a perfect throw to Sam Bull (this is the important part) at home plate to tag out noted career criminal Chad Feagley. He slid into my ankle really hard, but I found the strength to hold on. GIVE ME KISSES

 

NANCY KERRIGAN INJURY OF THE GAME: Eric "Mossad" Rosen went out into shallow right for a popup and was promptly trampled by an overzealous Mexican buffalo who did this to his ankle. (Just kidding, John. We love you. Good pitching.) Ray later reported that Rosen was curiously playing around with his wound and "you could see the bone." BARF

                                                 

                                                  

 

                                                                        Gross.

 

I later demanded that Rosen surrender his bloody sock so that it could someday be displayed in a hypothetical PCHL Hall of Fame museum a la Curt Schilling:

 

History.

 

 

FAN OF THE GAME:

Ray Mason

 

 

He comes to our games. Some say he's just cynically scouting us, but I think he really loves us. He even kept score for us today. Dealers <3 Ray

 

 

QUOTE OF THE GAME: "Thanks for the sweatpants, mom! You didn't have to go all out!"-Adam Stonehouse, making fun of his pitcher. As much as it pains me to give a quote of the game to an opposing player, Stonehouse was bringing the chuckles today.

 

 

Honorable mention: "John Segura's chest is as smooth as a 19-year-old twink's"-Anonymous

 

MARK MOSS OF THE GAME: Mark Moss

 

 

ROB SPECTOR WILL BE SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM BEFORE

OUR NEXT GAME:

SATURDAY 6/29 HOME VS. 29ERS