PLAYER OF THE GAME: Henry Scott Tuke
Henry Scott Tuke 1858-1929
"Henry Scott Tuke was an English visual artist; primarily a painter, but also a photographer. His most notable work was in the Impressionist style, and he is probably best known for his paintings of nude boys and young men. Tuke painted oil studies of young male nudes during a tour of Italy in his early twenties in 1881, but the theme did not become central to his work until after 1885, when he had moved to Falmouth, then still a secluded part of Cornwall and a part of the country with a very mild climate that was more agreeable for nude bathing."-Wikipedia
Nah but really, if you had to pick one, it was Justin Flowers.
1984-
On a day when nearly everyone looked like shit, Flowers was the one who bore the closest resemblance to an actual ballplayer. Despite being so hungover that he barfed during the extremely brief postgame ride from St. Mary's to Rock Bar (ED. NOTE it was also because he drank some skunked Budweisers that had been rotting in John's equipment bin for the past three weeks) he threw a noble and ballsy complete game and really didn't get hit hard by anyone except that sexy dude who dates Mickey's sister and we could have had on our team. We're morons
LISA "LEFT-EYE" LOPES DRIVE OF THE GAME: I did this one. I broke up the no-hitter.
Me
,
One of those sad little victories that keep me going through the waking nightmare that is my life ever since Hostess stopped making snack cakes: breaking up Louie's no-hitter in the bottom of the 7th with a clean line drive to RF. As soon as I hit it, I knew, even as the willowy indie rocker playing second for the 29ers scrambled adorably for it as if he had a chance in hell. I got to first base and screamed, "EAT SHIT, LOUIE," and some say I transformed chillingly into a full-fledged bro right at that moment. Like, it was as scary and sudden as Donald Sutherland revealing himself as a pod in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or Large Marge's scene in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.
DEFENSIVE PLAY OF THE GAME: Crizzle "Jennifer" Puff pretending to catch a line drive to 3rd base with a runner on first, intentionally dropping the ball, then picking it up and firing it to Rob at 2B who then deftly completed a diabolically clever double play. I asked Crizzle if he really meant to drop the ball, and he said "no." Then he winked at me, flapped his gossamer wings, and disappeared in a cloud of pixie dust.
The universe is a magical place, and Crizzle is a magical guy.
LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER: "Peter the Wild Boy (fl. 1725 to February 1785) was a mentally handicapped boy from Hannover in northern Germany who was found in 1725 living wild in the woods near Hamelin (Electorate of Brunswick-Lüneburg), the town of Pied Piper legend. The boy, of unknown parentage, had been living an entirely feral existence for an unknown length of time, surviving by eating forest flora; he walked on all fours, exhibited uncivilized behaviour, and could not be taught to speak a language."-Wikipedia
What I'm trying to indicate here is that Andrew Gomez must have a similar backstory because today he was THE MOST USELESS GODDAMN BARELY-SENTIENT NON-FUNCTIONING DUMB ANIMAL I'VE EVER SEEN TRY TO PLAY FIRST BASE. He made me weep for the sweet sainted soul of Abner Doubleday with his four errors and his wretched 1-for-4 batting line. I'd rather dogpaddle in a lake of boiling shit in Ray's catholic hell for the rest of eternity than endure another second of watching ANDREW GOMEZ PLAY BASEBALL
*Gomez asked me to be mean about him in this blog entry
PITCH OF THE GAME: Flowers draping a gorgeous curveball over the outside corner of the plate to strike out Craig (aka Boobiewatcher) looking. Craig talked about it obsessively at Rock Bar so at least we're affecting the 29ers in some small way besides not being no-hit by them
QUOTE OF THE GAME: Whatever Sicilian curse Vincent Martini placed on the 29er bench before I broke up their no-hitter (I'm seriously curious about this Vinnie)
MARK MOSS OF THE GAME: Mark Moss (He hit the ball hard, he glided around the outfield like some freaky apparition, and I don't care if this joke is played out because I like Moss)
OUR NEXT GAME IS SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE
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